The Brainuser Blog - Tips around self management&learning more effectively

Stupid questions – really stupid or manipulative?

There are people who are known for asking stupid questions, so that the other person feels inadequate, unattractive or doesn’t know how to act. These people want to influence other people to do something which that person does not really want to do. In fact we all are often a bit like that, using those “killerphrases” on a subconscious level.

Mothers and fathers, bosses, good friends, spouses and relatives – all of us use some of the most insidious manipulations. And if you complain we/they simply say: “I only asked.”

Check out here whether you are manipulating or being manipulated or both?

Here are a few classic examples:
1. “You do not go away before you’re finished working, right?”
2. “But you have nothing important planned on Sunday,right?”
3. “How can you say such a thing?”
4. “How is it possible that such a pretty girl like you want to be an engineer?”
5. “So, what do you mean?” You have still not said a word today.”
6. “Have you ever considered the consequences carefully?”
7. “You look so sad. Is something wrong?”
8. “Do I Interrupt?
9. “Is that all?”
10. “Do you have a few minutes?”
11. “May I fankly express my opinion?”
12. “Don`t you think you should get a different hairstyle (different clothes, different shoes)?”
13. “Don`t you think that you should change your personality?”
14. “You’re not going to do that really, are you?”
15. “Have you gained weight lately?”
16. “Will you eat all that?”
17. “Dont you think that you àre playing the music a bit too loud?”
18. “Today is the deadline for your work, isn`t it?”
19. “How can you say such a thing?”
20. “Anything else?”

These questions are an example of the great work of Dorothy Leeds (Author & Expert). Dorothy has a Master’s degree from Columbia University and is listed in Who’s Who in the East and Who’s Who in Executives & Professionals. In her book Smart Questions: The Essential Strategy for Successful Managers you can find many more excellent examples how to improve your communication and be aware of manipulative questions.

2 your learning success, Dirk

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